what past?
1:13 a.m. | May. 26, 2010

I bet that Past Me would have a lot of things to say to Present Me.

You hurt me. A lot. That's so inadequate. You completely shattered me. Every time you returned to me, for what turned out to be, no apparent reason, you completely shattered my heart when you left again. You shattered my soul. My spirit.

And here I am, just letting you in again. What's wrong with me?!??!

I see your face and it all goes to waste. Nothing else matters. He said, she said... there's a past? It all comes down to this moment, right here. The one where you come back and you're not sure if I'm going to yell or smile. Don't you know what I believe? Do you think about my feelings at all when you come back to me? I can't function without you, when you're in my life. And when you're gone... at least I can pretend I'm moving on. But this? I don't know what to do with this. You say everything I ever wanted. You get that look on your face... for me! You smile that smile... at me! You sparkle your eyes... at me! Tonight I saw your face smush up against the cam and so I leaned over and kissed you while your face was near... and when you were done and had leaned back, you said, "I hugged you."

I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe you're on my computer screen night after night. I can't believe that you love me.

I'm so scared. Please.

That's it. Please.