9:41 a.m. | Aug. 08, 2011

Last night I was on a journey. I kept walking and people I knew either kept up, passed by, or fell behind. I didn't care. As long as I had my phone it didn't matter what other people were doing. I could be all alone in the woods and it would't matter as long as I knew I could call you. And i did. Over and over again. And every time, you sounded happy to hear from me.

Not like the last time I talked to you. When I finally actually got it into my head. You don't love me. I heard it in your voice, and it broke me. I thought I knew what it was to be broken by you before, but I had no idea. This wasn't even a pain, this was a vast numbness that completely stopped my heart from pumping. Stopped my lungs from converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. Stopped my eyes from truly seeing. Stopped my limbs from having feeling.

Now I rarely think about you. I heard one of my friends saw you a while ago. I can't help how I feel about you, how I felt about you. You will always be that one, the one, my one. Nobody will ever compare to you.

I'm a fool. But I'll go back to feeling nothing about you again. Because that's the only way I can deal with how things have worked out. How things are.

I hope you are doing okay, and even happy. I'll probably never know.

I'm starting to feel the emptiness and the cracks, so I need to stop now.

my body misses you.

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