you.
10:43 p.m. | May. 20, 2010

i wait for you to fall asleep first. and then i make sure you stay that way. it doesn't matter how tired i am or what's going on. you must always sleep first. and then i will stand watch.

night after night i watch you sleep. night after night we throw hearts and kisses and wb's and thx's at each other and make everyone nauseous. i don't care. i love you and i want everyone to know and i don't want anyone to ever doubt it. to me, it's like the guy from The Notebook (i know, i know, but...) and how he says that he loved another with his entire heart and soul and that was enough for him. i know i dated other people. i know i had other relationships. but do you realize that that has nothing to do with you? if i had thought even for a second that there was hope in us, i would have clung to it for all i was worth. but really, and don't deny this, you kind of made sure there wasn't any. and i think it was because you wanted me to move on and have a life and be happy... but the thing is, i was never happy. i loved them, in my own way. but always, always, there was the mar of you. they were not, and could never be, you. how could i ever think i could be with somebody else? how?

i look at you on my computer screen and i know, as i've always known.

you are the only one for me.

for some reason, i thought it wouldn't hurt. the thing is i want you so badly my entire heart screams it through my entire body.

i won't pressure you, i promise. whatever happens, happens. but that doesn't mean the longing doesn't sometimes steal my breath away. your eyes sparkle that sparkle and my heart stutters. you say those words and it clenches up in my chest because oh how badly i want you to really mean them! do you mean them? will you ever?

oh, how i love you.

<< dirty || dirtier >>

- - Jan. 15, 2015
? - Apr. 22, 2013
- Aug. 08, 2011
:( - Apr. 18, 2011
time machine - Jan. 07, 2011
now | then | me | book | notes | links | layout | d-land