the end.
1:01 a.m. | Aug. 23, 2009

i don't remember the very first time i laid eyes on you. i remember that you were kicking my ass at trivia, and that's always been enough for me to become at least curious. i remember knowing that you were way out of my league. you were completely hot, hilarious, and one of the smartest people i'd ever met. i wondered how you were always in the same chatroom as me. i remember thinking, Wow, that guy really doesn't do much else but sit there and answer trivia. i remember thinking it was an amazing coincidence that we always happened to be in the same chatroom at the same time for the same amounts of time. how was i to know?

how completely shocked was i when you told me... you fell in love with me almost instantly. you followed me around. you asked when i'd be on again, i'd tell you, so you'd be there. you stayed for me.

i didn't think anything for a long time. i really didn't. you so easily became a part of my background noise. i just thought you were a nice guy who thought i was a little bit funny, a little bit smart. i never thought you'd love me. i never thought you loved me. then one night, i took a look at who you were chatting with, whose cams you had open, and i started opening girl after gorgeous girl's cams and seeing them dancing sexily and it was like a truck slammed into my chest. it was the first time in my life that i'd fallen in love without realizing it. i didn't know what was going on. and i felt ridiculous. here i was feeling jealous over a guy who would never, ever even consider me. i knew this. i knew it by seeing the girls you were looking at. they were completely gorgeous and i... well, i was me. and since i knew i had nothing to lose, i told you the truth. i told you that i didn't know why, but for some reason i was feeling jealous over the girls you were looking at. and then the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me, happened. you said, "me, too. i get jealous, too."

and guess what, it took me about two years to believe it. and by then, you were gone, and so was i.