surprise!
3:13 p.m. | May. 05, 2010

I still remember that last person I loved saying to me, "I trust that there are no surprises. Nobody's going to show up and take you away from me." And then he looked at me expectantly and I realized he wanted some sort of confirmation of this. And so I held his gaze for a moment too long while I waited for my heart and mind to find a way to not lie to him. Marriage is forever. And since we are the same person, I knew you believed this too. And you were married. And suddenly my entire body fully realized, you were not coming back for me. And as my heart became a million different pieces, I stared into his eyes and confidently nodded in agreement. No, nobody's going to come and take me away from you. Don't worry. There won't be any surprises.

5.4.10

today you talked about how you needed to find a pawn shop so you could get the best price for your wedding ring, which you haven't worn in a month. today we declared our hate of flamboyantly irish men. today you flashed that smile at me about a hundred times and my heart broke and mended at the exact same moment every single time. why am i letting you do this to me again? why am i always pathetic for you? why do you always, always, ALWAYS come back???