ltns
2:03 p.m. | Feb. 01, 2010

i look at the date on that last entry and i can't believe it. has it really been that long??

the other day i was sitting in the car when i realized that i hadn't thought about or missed or dreamed about you in a very long time. it used to be a struggle to get through one day without you.

i see you now, imagining you in your happy life, and i'm glad for you. i realize that i hold onto these feelings as some sort of punishment or delusion... it gives me something to focus on rather than the things i should be focusing on.

i'm moving out of my boyfriend's house. i have a one bedroom apartment within walking distance from work. i'm going to be a poor mofo for the next little while, but i'm so excited to be doing this on my own.

and just so you know, i don't JUST use you as some sort of escape. i really DO actually miss you. but there's nothing i can do about it. you are there, in your life, and i'm here, in mine.

i miss you.