defrost
12:22 p.m. | Feb. 10, 2009

Thoughts of you lessen. There are whole hours that go by that I don't think of you now. There are only the heart-wrenching, wildly inappropriate times. When I'm in a bear hug with my boyfriend, and I think, "Hey, I haven't of [you] all day!" And it rips a little bit of the joy of my hug away. Or when I'm laying in the blissful after glow and he's staring at me with wonderment. And I think, "Wow, I haven't thought about [you]..." And again, a little bit of joy is torn. Or when he tells me I'm the only one for him and how he thinks the stars were aligned for us and instantly the betrayal of you flashes through my mind and I can't say the words I think he wants me to say in return. And once more, it rips a tiny piece of me away.

But in the grand scheme of things, I'm not daydreaming about you on the bus or when I'm walking or every single time one of what I consider to be our songs comes on the radio.

It's getting easier and easier to forget the part of my heart that holds you. But I'm afraid that I'm not actually forgetting but more freezing it and that at any moment, like all the other times, you can come back and thaw it out again.